Well, I'm still in search for a house. Tonight I sat up an appointment with a gentlemen who was selling his house in my ideal neighborhood. His house from the outside looks simply gorgeous.
It's shortly before 8:00 and it is already dark. Fall is most definitely here. I ring the doorbell. I waited for a good moment and was about to ring again when he came to the door. Mike was a big guy! You could tell on lazy days he only goes to the gym twice instead of his usual 3 times-a-day regiment. I do my best not to be intimidated...I mean, his biceps were bigger than my thighs ... well ... no, they were bigger than my whole body!
Like I was saying, I did my best not to be intimidated. I shoot out my hand, give him a firm handshake, and I look him straight in the eyes. That was when my heart dropped.
Mike was selling his house because his wife & him just recently divorced. Now, I don't know the circumstances that surrounded their divorce; but I do know what I saw in his eyes tonight. Mike's eyes were eyes of pain & sadness.
He gave me a tour. It didn't take long for me to decide the house wasn't for me. We stood in his foyer for a couple minutes talking about his cute dog. I told him I would call him if I had any questions. I then once more looked him straight into his eyes, gave him my strongest handshake I could muster, and thanked him for his time.
As I sit here now, I can still see his eyes. They looked like they were barely holding back tears. My checkbook may not come out for him, but my heart definitely goes out to him
... I was talking to some friends on Tuesday night about a sociological thought I have been thinking about lately. Tomorrow as you go throughout your day, take notice the number of times you intentionally look people "straight into their eyes". I'll be surprised if you have to use both your hands to count the times.
Now we look at people everyday...sometimes inappropriately, but hopefully mostly in appropriate ways. We also look to people for service, assistance, answers, etc. But it's amazing to think how little we actually look into people.
You get a sense as to how really rare an experience this is when you do look into people for longer than a moment and the awkwardness level is raised to lime green (yes this scale has its own color scheme too). There are times when I seek out to look into people. I sometimes pause intentionally in my thinking when listening to someone, and actually am taken back when I see my own reflection in their eyes. Not because I'm narcissistic or scary looking, but I am surprised at my own ability to solely focus on their eyes and nothing else.
At other times, I must admit, I take all measures to avoid even glancing at people. I have a co-worker who I have worked with over a year now and she still annoys the living daylights out of me! All in all, she is a good co-worker...hard worker, doesn't take a million smoke breaks like other co-workers, doesn't gossip too much, and would bend over backwards for me. But there is something about her that gets under my skin. And I confess, on most days I am pretty horrible to her. I don't cuss her out or anything...I just don't pay attention to her...and if I am forced to interact with her, I try to resist making eye contact with her. I don't want to look into her because I think I am afraid of what I might see. I am afraid that I might see something in her that makes me realize she's just like me...or that I'm just like her...
Reflections & Ramblings that I pick up along this journey through life. www.drneilclayton.com
3 comments:
Very insightful, my friend!!! Theresa
Very profound, Neil. We all need to make it a point to look people in the eye more often. I have found (while working with children) that just smiling at someone or making eye contact is the only moment during the day that they actually feel special. So often people go days feeling like they are not even noticed. As cheesy as it sounds I greet the students every day by looking at each one, saying good morning, and then giving them all a high-five. For many of them that is the first real greeting they have had in the day....Anyway, how are we going to know what the Father is doing (and get to be a part of it) if we don't ever look at His people?
- MRM
Interesting thought Neil... Usually, I've noticed that direct eye contact that lasts longer than a few seconds, especially a stranger's, always has a reason. It leaves me wondering what the person's motives are. Usually it signals attraction, or a challange, etc.
The eyes are an integral part of our body language as a whole. Y'know, they say that 90% of what we communicate to others doesn't come out of our mouth.
Chris
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